Near the end of the “The Good Wife,” the profile of Eva Longoria Parker in the November issue of Allure, writer Judith Newman describes her subject this way:
Longoria Parker becomes quite animated during this discussion; there is always the sense that she is the little sister—and the hot girl—who was not always taken seriously.
A lack of self-awareness is so unbecoming. Having read this interview in its entirety, the only thing Newman takes seriously about Longoria Parker is her uterus. The woman is obsessing over the notion that an egg may have implanted itself in the actress’ womb. Such gynecological mania is a little unsettling, honestly.
But that’s not all the article contains! Also included:
• Multiple insinuations that, despite her denials, the actress is pregnant (Among the less-than-convincing factoids presented as evidence of an impending birth: she drank iced tea instead of wine with lunch and wore flats instead of Louboutin wedges)
• A painstaking dissection of the actress’ seven-pound weight gain
•The author “begging” the Desperate Housewives star to reveal whether she’s with child
Thought-provoking stuff, right? I’m not saying the two should have discussed the ongoing clashes in Congo. But even the most uninformed examination of that topic would have been a more enlightening read than the four outraged paragraphs that the star’s slight weight gain commands.
“I’ve stopped working out and gained about seven pounds over the summer, which is a lot for a small person,” she says. “But I’m still a size 0.”
Oh, good! Those size 2 women are just slothful!
“And yet every magazine is tearing me apart,” the actress continues. “It’s like, ‘Oh, my God! She’s fat!’ I hate that message they’re sending out to young women everywhere who think, ‘God, she’s a size 0, and she’s still too big.’…”
Magazines like this one, for which pregnancy is the only explanation for gaining weight?
Ordinarily, I’d concur wholeheartedly with Longoria Parker’s assessment—except that she vehemently reminds us readers that canceling her workouts was motivated by her character’s weight gain, and that she’s wearing padding on the show to simulate a more dramatic change. If you’re trying to sell the notion that the media is promoting unhealthy ideas about weight, maybe you shouldn’t protest at every available opportunity that you deliberately put on a few pounds for your extremely well-paying job. Maybe you shouldn’t announce that you’ve already gone back to your trainer to shed that extra weight, meaning you were a slightly more substantial size 0 for a month or two. Oh, the sacrifices thespians make for their art!
This is how she concludes her anti-tabloid screed:
“I never went up a size. I just got a little rounder.”
Why the repetitive rationalization based on her clothing size? Because if her size zeroes became a bit snug, then the criticism would be warranted? Because sizing up to a 2 would be definitive proof that she is, in fact, “fat”?
Of course not. But judging by this article, Allure would probably take it as proof that she’s carrying quintuplets.