It’s hard to feel engaged with celebrity profiles. They’re often so carefully orchestrated, so relentlessly false that we might as well be reading a press release. When is the last time you felt like you actually understood someone better after reading about them in a magazine?
“I feel like there’s so much accepted sexism,” Samberg says. “Everyone talks about doing R-rated movies, and it’s like, ‘Well, you’re going to have some titties!’ And it’s like, ‘What? No! That’s not a sacrifice that we would ever want to make. We love to have cursing, but it doesn’t mean that you have to have a girl take her shirt off…”
So could it be that the Lonely Islanders, who can at times seem a bit unduly preoccupied with their man-flesh…are…feminists? “Ha,” Samberg says, and then turns serious. “Absolutely.”
Andy Samberg is a feminist? As soon as we finish this post, we are going to re-watch “Lazy Sunday.”
Our sudden rush of affection for Samberg is the opposite of our reaction to the Sarah Jessica Parker article in the same issue. Enough with the canonization of her, already. There’s something inherently frustrating (not to mention dull) about an actor who repeatedly tells reporters she won’t talk about her private life. Honestly, we’re contemplating taking up residence in an underground bunker when the Sex and the City movie is released. Quotes like this one from “SJP Inc.” certainly don’t help our raging case of Parker-phobia:
“Don’t you just love Chinatown? Doesn’t it smell amazing?” Sarah Jessica Parker is standing slightly downwind from a stand selling nickel-size, briny dried scallops, acrid tree bards, and a selection of shriveled mushrooms labeled simply CHINESE HERB—in truth, probably not the sweetest-smelling spot in Manhattan.
It’s probably just a personality clash (or, you know, her finely honed sense of smell that she developed in the process of creating not one but two successful perfumes!), but anyone who can wax rhapsodic about the aroma of shriveled mushrooms is far too perky for us. Indeed, we may not be the only ones suffering from Sarah Jessica Parker overload. Coty Prestige exec Catherine Walsh, who works with SJP on her ever-expanding collection of perfumes, tells this story about the star to Elle’s Maggie Bullock:
“I used to send her weekly ratings [for Lovely],” says Catherine Walsh…“When they dropped, she would say, ‘Oh my gosh! Do I need to go to Dadeland Mall and make a personal appearance?’”
Which would seem to be a genuine revelation about Parker’s character, except for the fact that Walsh told that exact same story nearly a year earlier to a different magazine. Here’s the tale as it appeared in the October 2006 issue of Marie Claire:
“When we launched,” says Walsh, “we started to send her sales reports weekly, by store. She would read them, and if we weren’t in the top three names, she’d e-mail me and ask, ‘Is there something I need to do? Do I need to go there?’ I mean, who does that? Even I don’t do that! Carlos and I just looked at each other and said, ‘She’s really going to go to Macy’s in Dadeland, FL, because we’re number nine there?’ She just puts you to shame.”
We don’t know what’s stranger, that anyone at Elle found Walsh’s boosterish anecdote worth repeating or the fact that we actually remembered reading the story in Marie Claire last year. Not that it matters much, since “SJP Inc.” is full of rehashes. The piece contains another explanation about the genesis of Bitten and several paragraphs about the SATC film, along with our personal favorite celebrity article trope—the ultra-thin celeb orders multiple entrees, in this case “with gusto,” as if to attest that she actually does eat normally. Yawn. If there’s one thing that’s still interesting about Sarah Jessica Parker, it’s her ability to keep the publicity juggernaut alive, even though there’s nothing new to say. Can the next journalist to interview her please ask about that?